Egg Salad

From NeverwinPoker WIKI

I fucking love egg salad. There is nothing better on the planet than a fucking huge bowl of egg salad. Why, you ask? Let me tell you why, dipshit.

OK, here we go:

Reasons for Infatuation

- It's fucking good for you. Egg salad contains a bunch of god damn nutrients and shit that make your body work better. Egg salad is a food for people on the go.

- It tastes excellent. Do you remember the old days, in which your mother would cook you fried eggs and ravioli in the morning? And then, your dog would jump up on your lap and you would slowly stroke its engorged cock until dog-juice burst all over your eggs? That's fucking egg salad, asshole.

- It brings together the community. Every once in a while, people need to get together over a steaming mound of egg and discuss things important in life, like family and the Bible. This does the trick for you and your loved ones.

History of Egg Salad

Egg salad was invented in 1984 by professional poker player Todd Witteles. In fact, it reportedly "got him layed" after he showed it to his girlfriend at the time. The concoction was, like many other great inventions, an accident.

One afternoon Witteles was taking his usual stroll about the neighborhood in eastern St. Louis, admiring the Birch trees and wild geese. According to him, "[he] witnessed a miracle and [he] couldn't turn away" when a single pigeon flew over his head and inadvertantly gave birth to an egg, all the while undergoing a massive diarrhetic bowel movement. As unlikely as it sounds, these two airborns came to a crash on the top of the head of the then unenlightened Witteles, mixing together, sliding down his face, and eventually coming to rest upon his extended tongue.

Witteles has been quoted comparing egg salad to "the stuff of Gods."